Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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