I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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