What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
