It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
