Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
