did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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