Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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