finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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