Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
