he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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