I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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