can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
