K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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