Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
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