So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize