So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
