Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
