they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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