awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
