Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
