Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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