He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
