I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
