Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
