we have pet lesbian snakes
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
