I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize