oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
