On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize