Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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