party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i would punch a child for taco bell
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
