I think I am morally bankrupt
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
