His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
