Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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