I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
