Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
