Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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