i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize