Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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