I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
