Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
