I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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