Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She's the barista slut.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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