I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
