We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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