So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
