This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Of course I have a pirate flag
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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