I'm eating all of the evidence.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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