I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
