So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
