i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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