and i looked up. we had an audience...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize