That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
