Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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