Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize