that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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