i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
