People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
