You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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