8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
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