mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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