she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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