I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
