The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Everyone says I win the strip club
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
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