sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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