He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
