this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize