I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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