Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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