if you like me you must not know who I am
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
