Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
