He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
