life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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