Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
