Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
