I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My pussy is not your playground.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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