If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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