1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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