The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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