So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Bring me that man meat
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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