We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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