so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
