In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
it glows. i had to have it.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
