So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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