I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So much Jack, so little girl.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
