Plan B is the new Plan A
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
