yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
