Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
