we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
