i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize