the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
