This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
