I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
