yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
