Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I want to make a zoo with you.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize