I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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