there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
