We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
