I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
