there was a trapeze. enough said
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
