my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
