I can tuck mytits in my pants
you would pick up someone in the library
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
