I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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