So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
