My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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