there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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