yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
