ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
